The surface shines, while the inside rots
We raced the sunset and we almost won
We slammed the brakes, but the wheels went on;
Some people would consider my year a pretty exciting year.
25 Concerts. CMW. MMVA Weekend. New York.Relationships. Decent Job. sound good right?
Not if Your Me.
Failed Relationships. Stalkers. Money Issues. Death. Missing Friends. Lack of Insperation. Standing Still.
Thats how I saw my 2009.
Im Through with standing in line to clubs ill never get in
Its like the Bottom of the ninth and im never gonna win
Life Hasn’t Turned out
Quite the way I want it to be
The year started and ended pretty much the same. Me and Scerina. Me drunk. Music. Dancing. Lookin Fucken Amazing.
In Between that tho, Not so Amazing.
I can't say that 2009 was HORRIBLE. becuase it wasn't HORRIBLE. But as far as my years have been.. 2009 wasn't anything to brag about.
25 Concerts
The Framework- Supermarket
LLF- Tattoo
FU Awards- Sound Academy
Defult/Hinder- Sound Academy
Ill/DWW- Sound Academy
BuckCherry- Sound Academy
Britney Spears- ACC
The Salads- Absinthe
Fall Out Boy/Cobra Starship/Metro Station- Ricoh
Lady Gaga- Kool Haus
Green Day- Copps
Rise Against- Molson Amp
Cutting Edge- Kitchener
Liam Titcomb- Casbah
Finger 11- Gage Park
Blink 182- Molson Amp
Kid Rock- Molson Amp
IllScarlett- Opera House
Pink- ACC
Kiss- ACC
Kelly Clarkson- Casino Rama
BoyslikeGirls/Cobra Starship- Kool Haus
Lady Gaga- ACC
Lights- Hamilton Place
Weezer/Jacks/Ill- ACC
-----------------
Some would call that INSANE, but for me.. thats nothing. I mean. yes. some of those were effin amazing. Pink, Kiss, GAGA, Britney, Green Day, Blink.... I went to some huge shows this year. But Music is my life. Its my passion and its what keeps me going. and to me, it wasnt enough. I could have seen more. I could have danced more and I could have lost myself so many more times.
You’ve gotta Swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music that saves you, when your not to sure youll survive
Failed Relationships.
If you could even call them Relationships
First.
Jeff Smith.
Everyone Hated him
Not my type. But he had a car. And he Drove me Places
Whatever.
Turned out to be a Stalker. FML. Still Pissing the shit out of me
GET A FUCKEN LIFE.
oh yah,
and he had his dick periced. WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?
Second.
Greg Burghall
He was Hot. He was Older. He had a car.
Good In Bed. Made Me Laugh
To Serious. Had KIDS. Oh yah, and a Crazy EX.
Clearly it wasnt gonna work.
Duh.
--------------
This is to one last day in the shadows
And to know a brother's love
This is to New York City angels
And the rivers of our blood
This is to all of us, to all of us
------------------------
Work Stress.
No Job for the Winter/Spring of 09.
Decent Job FINALLY.
Too bad my boss was CRAZY. Good Hours and Finally Being able to Have some sort of life.
Didnt work in Dec.
ALL I WANT TO DO IS GO BACK TO WORK!
DEATH
It Sucks. Beyond Sucks.
Never prepared for the Deaths that happened in 2009
Chico.
My Kitty. My Baby. My Best friend. My Heart Broke when I lost him. No animal will ever replace him.
Great Grandma Holyoake
Most. Amazing. Woman.
SO Strong. Always Smiling. A sense of Humor like no other. My biggest Cheerleader. She was Always so Proud of Me. I hope I can be half the woman that she was. She was Special. I will miss her SO MUCH
well it's you and it's me and that's all we'll ever need
and yah we'll tear up the streets and we'll dance until we bleed
and man we'll sleep when we're dead yah we'll take over this town
and paint it 9 shades of red getting down is what we're up to
I feel Further away from my friends then I ever Have.
Scerina Moved back to her Parents.
Whos Futon am I gonna crash on?
Who am I gonna hit up Swiss Chalet with?
I feel like I am slowly loosing her.
She has her own life. Her Own Goals.
Her new job.
I miss her SO Much.
I am never going to know anyone else like her. She keeps me gounded. I dont know what I would do without her
Rochelle Moved to London
New School. New Friends.
She has Allan.
And I am SO HAPPY FOR HER.
Shes my Partier, My Concert Buddy. My partner in Crime.
I love her so much, she has No idea how much she means to me.
Sue, Meg-
Girls, I love you all so much. Some of the best memories of my life envolve you guys. <3
Nikki- babe, this year your life changed so much. Bella is such a blessing, and I am SO happy that I can be here for you and watch her Grow up. I will always be here for you guys.
Diana and Christina- Where Do I begin? Toronto isnt going to be the same when I get back there and I can see you guys more.. cuz man.. its always good times with you guys. LOVE YOU
Mel, Tamera, Sam- without you guys.. man.. the laughs, the random adventures....what awaits us in 2010.. who knows.. but I cant wait.
Victoria- My baby sister. You make me so proud of you. You are Strong. You are beautiful. and everyday you make me jus shake my head. You are growing up and you are going to be such an amazing woman. I love you.
xxxx
---------
IF WE CARRY ON
IF WE PLAY ALONG
YOU CAN’T SAY WE’RE WRONG
YOU CAN’T SAY SO LONG
AT LEAST WE DID IT OUR WAY
AND LEARNED THE HARD WAY
--------
The Biggest thing I missed in 2009 was Idol.
Canadian Idol
To Some, Its a TV SHOW.
to me,
It was a LIFE CHANGING EXPERIENCE.
I miss the friends. the excitement. the singing. the energy.
and I miss him.
I miss being able to look forward to Mondays when I would get to see him.
He doesnt know how much I care about him. Or how much he means to me. Or how much I look up to Him. Or how much of an impact he has on my life. But he is amazing. and I love him <3
-------------
I felt like I spent the Year Standing Still.
I didnt enrich my life in anyway.
I didnt Achieve any of my life goals
I ate like Crap
Gained a shitload of weight.
I didnt see my friends as much as I would have liked.
I didnt have sex as much as I would have liked
Didnt Dance enough
Didnt Drink Enough
Didnt Laugh Enough
Didnt Love Enough
I didnt accomplish much of anything.
And theres noone to blame but myself.
Someday I'm gonna find it
Wish I knew what I was looking for;
I woke up this morning
Don’t know where I’m going ;
But it’s alright
I wouldn't have it any other way
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME?
I lost Myself
But WHY?!
I am 23 Years Old
Im Stuck.
Not sure of who I want to be. Or what I want in general
I am in a struggle with the person I was, and the person who I think I should be
I am Holding on for dear life.
Sometimes I wonder if I even know who I am anymore?
I am fighting an inner battle.. should I give in?
Its My life
And its now or ever
Cause I aint gonna Live forever
I just wanna live while I am alive
I am ME.
I am not going to change
If You dont like it- Fuck you.
I am Crazy.
I am Passionate, about everything.
I am motivated; I am driven. and I am gonna do what I want, When I want.
I dream big.
I dont Believe in luck
I love men. hot older dirty rockstar types of men
I love the summer nights
I love to dance
I love to makeout
I love to stay up realllllllllly late.
I love to Cuddle.
I love wonderland and carnival rides
I love to shop.
I Love Music.
I'm a bitch,
I'm a tease,
I'm a goddess on my knees.
When you hurt,
When you suffer,
I'm your angel undercover.
I've been numb,
I'm revived,
Can't say I'm not alive,
You know I wouldn't want it any other way
---------
2009. as every year left me with some amazing memories.
none of which were taken for Granted.
Life is way to short.
CANADIAN MUSIC WEEK
-Media Passes whattttttttt
-GENE SIMMONS
- JOSH TODD = SEXY AS HELL
- Random Makeouts?
- 2 Girls and a Blog Intervew - Karl Wolf, Lights, Midway State, The Latency, DWW, Alex.. <3
We live a cute life
Soundfematic, pants tigh-ter than plastic, honey
But we got no money
We just like to party, like to p-p-party yeah
MMVA WEEEEEEEKEND
- GAGA
- I met perez Hilton= Sign my Phone = AHHHH
- Hot Outfits
- Takin care of Drunken Shaun aka Slumberrrrrrrrrrrrrr Party!
- No SLeep = TAYLOR LAUTNER And the JOBROSSS! (yUP, I know ur Jealous)
- Aaron Carter and Matchin Tattoos and Flirting.
- MOD with KC, KW, DF and CB.
Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, I'mma fight
'Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock on the clock
But the party don't stop, no
23RD BDAY WEEK
This week was one of the best weeks, as it included all of my fave things.
- Cutting edge with Ill and "I want you in my pants"
- Liam and Charity and Random drunken interview
- Rides with best friends and funnel cakes
- FINGER ELEVEN= Drunken mess = EPIC
- All My bestsists and sunny days
- Ill Opens for Blink and Fall Out Boy and MASSIVE crowds and such a Proud Jenny moment!
<3
NEW YORK CITY
- my fave city
- walks in central park with chris. (I seriously love you dude)
- The Met, Museum of Natural History, Sex Museum, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
- OLIVE GARDEN= SO AMAZING
- Top of the Rock, and Empire State.
- can someone say SHAGGY, and Ashton Kutcher and Randy Jackson
- BLEEKER STREET, aka Greenwich Village aka, my future home
- The Bitter End, Live Music, SUCH a good night
- Hot Boys from Amsterdam who I wanted to keep.
- Sept 11th 2009. Rainy Rainy Day
This city is my love. Words dont even describe how in love I am with New York.
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of
Theres nothing you cant do
These streets will make you feel brand new
Big Lights will inspire you
Hear it, New York.
----------
Random 2009.
- Fireworks at the Falls with Greg
- Breaking into a house? umm.. yup
- Jenny and Tamera take over Absinthe with Lofi and get WASTED
- Day Trippin to the Falls with Sam...Hikin in the forest, and ALMOST falling in the river.
- DOOGIES with Mel and Rochelle, Crashin at Colins. APPLE BONG off the Balcony.. opps
- Kitchener and Cinema Bizzare and effin coldness with Tamera
- Strip Clubs?! and Tattoo and Dancin with my Mellissa
- Scerinas Bday on the farm.. Chickens and Rats and Llamas and homemade Fishing Rods.
- The Toronto Zoo and running into Mitchel Musso
- Meeting Bart- Sleep Overs.Free Money at the Casino.Maid Of the Mist.. and who could forget the Flamigo and Rochelles Drunken Rant...which.. I totally agreeed with by the way ;)
- Rochelles Pimp and Ho Party.... Note to Self. DO NOT be left alone with Underage Boys! No matter how cute they are!!
- Summer Doogies Nights with Sue and Meg and Rochelle and Beer and Dancin and Love
- The EX "Hes cute thoooooo", "No Toria, he is a CARNIE" HAHAHAHAHA
- Dead Finsh, Getting Lost on the Beach, Susets on Lake Erie.
- Tattooos and DRAKE on Queen West With Diana (only us woman) SERIOUSLY!
- BUSKING FOR CHANGE 2009
- illCD release, then WTFFFFFFF at Tattoo and Diana making sure i was a good girl! AHAHA
- Here comes SANTAAAA Claus Parade with Scerinaaa
- PEANUT- My very own Fur Baby! <3
-"Why are you wearing clothessssss" SO HOT
- The OP Tour at the Kool Haus with Chris "dude, who are you and what band are you in" HAHAHA
- Random Trip to the States, The Cheesecake Factory and the BEST CHEESECAKE EVER!
Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet
'Ya thought an angel swept you off ya feet
But I'm about to turn up the heat
I'm here for your entertainment
2009 is over. Its a new year
a new Decade.
I Survived.
I dont have regrets.
I dont believe in Luck.
Time to move on.
Cant Dwell on the Past.
Gotta live in the Present.
Smile. Dance. Sing. Fuck. Love. Cry. Scream. Live
Set new goals.
Smile Alot
DO what you wanna do.
This Year I will:
Finish Media
Launch my own website
Las Vegas Baby!
Fall in Love, Once, maybe Twice
Break a Heart
Get New Ink
Get In Shape
Fuck Alot
Snuggle Lots
Take Chances
Do Something that Scares Me
Spend More time with Friends
Make New Friends
Move Out
Get Back Into Radio
Learn something New
Smile More
Get In Shape.
Be Healthier.
Not fight Change.
Love Life.
Im the S to the H to the I to the T
And what you don’t know, you just gotta believe it
Scared
Nervous
Excited
Anxious.
Tomorrow I am starting a new chapter of my life. I will walk into the class room for the 1st time in over a year. this time is different. I can do it. I can accomplish my goals. I am going to finish school.
Peace Out. 2009.
Hello 2010
When all you wanted, Was to be wanted.
Wish You could tell yourself what you know now
Your 1st day.
Take a Deep Breath and walk though those doors.....
xxxoooxo
-
No comments:
Post a Comment